I'm just going to preface this post by saying, while I am writing this, I am in the middle of all of the In Vitro Fertilization process. I have chosen to write these entries as I go along so I can remember every detail, but not publish them until this whole process is over. I'm not even sure if I will ever publish this. Just makes me feel better to know that I have ever detail of this expensive, tiresome, time consuming, hormonal, rewarding process documented.
November , 2012 - We started our 3rd and FINAL round of the IUI process. We were required to have a pre-IUI appointment with the doctor to makes sure Jeremy and I were emotionally ready to begin this process again after everything that happened this past Summer. Dr. Kaufmann made the comment that after all we had been through over the Summer, he wanted to see for his self that we were ready to start again. Due to the ups and downs involving all of the medications/shots that alter my hormones, he wanted to make sure I could handle another month of different emotions involved in the IUI process and the possibility of it not working. After chatting with us for a bit, he made the decision that we were ready! Jeremy and I were so excited when we left his office. Dr. K almost made us feel like we needed to chest bump him!
November 26, 2012 - It was go time! I went to my first appt. and had an ultrasound. Don't worry, by now, I am definitely used to looking up at the monitor and seeing a perfectly normal "womb" with no baby. Not going to lie, walking back into the SAME room that I was in when I found out that I was pregnant last April was a little tough. Doctor said that everything looks GREAT and I have "perfect looking ovaries"! Such a flattering comment...ha!
November 26 - December 12, 2012 - Jeremy, being the wonderful, supportive husband that he is, administered my shots every night at 6:00 in my belly. Savannah being the wonderful, supportive daughter that she is, was patiently waiting to be head nurse and put a band-aid on after the shot was over! Wow...what would I do without these two loving on me and giving me all the support I needed along the way. Making sure I took the shot by 6:00 was tough at times! For example, Amber, Jodi and I decided to take the kids to see Wreck It Ralph one night and the movie started at 6:05. I had to drop Savannah off at the movies with them and then run home, take the shot, and run back to the movies! This process kinda makes you crazy! Along with the nightly shots, I have to go every couple of days to do ultrasounds that would update them on where my body is in the process.
December 13, 2012 - 10:00 PM, is when I was directed to take my last shot of Ovidrel that would spark Ovulation. (Kinda feel like I could be a fertility doctor at this point!). This shot triggered my body to ovulate within the next 48-72 hours. Modern medicine is really amazing! At this point, they know EVERYTHING that is going on with my body!
December 15, 2012 - Today was the big day! It was go time! I was scheduled to have the IUI done at 11:00. I felt really good about everything until the doctor gave me bad news about our "test results" minutes before the IUI began. He said he was going to go ahead and "it only takes one". So, I didn't have much hope for the outcome...
December 21, 2012 - 8:00 AM - Mom came over and watched Savannah while I headed down to LabCorp downtown to have a blood test done to tell us if we were pregnant or not. 1:30 PM, Amber, Jodi and I were in Grapevine with the kids at the Gaylord Texan and my phone rang. I looked down at the phone and it said "ROBERT KAUFMANN" and my heart sank. I knew in my heart that the IUI didn't work but I didn't really want to hear the final word. "Crystal, I'm sorry to say, you are not pregnant. Dr. Kaufmann will be calling you in a couple hours to talk about where we go from here".
"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it"
Which brings us to today...
January 10, 2013 - Dr. Kaufmann had us come back into his office to do more tests and see if we were even eligible for another IUI. Come to find out, test results show that we are not eligible for another IUI and there is ZERO chance that we would get pregnant "naturally". So...he started throwing out the whole In Vitro Fertilization process. I had always thought because of cost, everything that the process involved, anesthesia, etc. we would never consider IVF. He gave us a binder that laid out every detail having to do with the IVF process and told us to think about it. He also said that if this is something we wanted to do, then to call him and make an appt.
January 15, 2012 - Looks like we have actually decided to go through with In Vitro Fertilization! WHOA! I called and made an appt for the following morning at 8:00 AM. For all of you that don't know, I am REALLY getting used to leaving my house at 5:00 AM to make it my appt by 8:00 AM and back to work within a couple of hours. I had my first IVF ultrasound. Everything looks great, once again! After the ultrasound, we were directed in to another room to discuss cost and every detail of the next two months of my life. Apparently, they get my body prepared for a month and the next month is spent actually starting the process. This was considered my "training" day for the next few months. I learned that on starting February 10th, I need to quote "take it down a notch". Do I even know what that means?? I was also told that I couldn't drink alcohol, caffeine, smoke, exercise, basically anything that would increase my heart rate because that would cause a "medical emergency" because apparently, my ovaries could flip because they are going to be so big! Technically, these ovaries are hanging on branches and normally they are small but after the drugs, they will be huge and could flip at any moment. Whoa! That is a lot of medical information that I have learned today! We left there with another folder full of information, consent forms, and a prescription for birth control. Really? I was told that I would be on birth control for the next month?
January 18, 2013 - I started the birth control which is supposed to stop my reproductive system and restart it when he is ready. All of this is so bizarre!!
January 22, 2013 - Mom and I left Wichita Falls at 6:00 AM to make it to my appointment at 8:45 AM. Today involved 1) another ultrasound and 2) a Hysteroscopy. I had NO idea what that involved until today. What is a Hysteroscopy, you say? Well...while the doctor walked out of the room while I was changing, I decided to take a picture of the tool that is used to perform the hysteroscopy... Looks fun, huh??
This was inserted into the womb to do a "test run" of the actual IVF. This tool, along with the light on the end, gave Dr. K the ability to go up into my womb and document EXACTLY where he wants to place the embryo on the actual day of the IVF. He found out that I have no pollups and my womb and ovaries look great! We were then directed to another room to go over our calendar of events for the next two months. I was then given a bag full of prenatal vitamins to start on and I was told that the Avella Pharmacy would be sending me the Lupron shots to begin the following day. I was told that I would be on 3 shots a day starting February 10th. Rebeccah, the sweet, sweet nurse, then gave me a full blown lesson on how to administer all of the different shots. TMI!
January 23, 2013 - I was told that I would need to take the shots in my belly between 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM. Thank goodness, my Dad has connections at FedEx because I was able to go out there and pick up my package. I got back to my work and Jeremy was at work, so who was going to give me my shot? I gave Judy Cookingham the wonderful privilege of giving me my first shot of Lupron. We watched a YouTube video on how to get the syringe ready, made sure there were no air bubbles and then gave the shot. She did wonderful! She can actually check this one of her bucket list!! You're welcome, Judy! :)
January 28, 2013 - I am getting the feeling that we are doing everything according to God's plan. Different things going on through this process give me the reassurance that we are following His plan! All the encouragement I need! Mom kept Savannah for me today and decided to skim through the IVF material that we were given to familiarize herself with what was going on a little more. She happened to notice that the calendar said that I needed to stop the birth control on the 27th. In my mind, I was supposed to take it to the end of the month? So, long story short, she found this out for me randomly and I would have screwed up the process if I wouldn't have stopped on the 27th, which just happens to be the last pill I took. If that isn't God watching over this process, I don't know what is? Number 2, I shared with one of my friends at our Friday Funday lunch that we were in the middle of doing the IVF treatment and she said, "Oh, that is so weird. Just yesterday, at my Mom's group bible study, I placed you and Jeremy on the prayer list." WOW! See...different things along the way are really letting me know that God has his hands on this process whatever the outcome is!
Little Side Note...I really appreciate the people in my life that are going on this journey with us! The encouragement, prayers, and phone calls are just what we need to get us through the next two months!!
January 30, 2013 - I got a call after lunch from the Walgreen's Specialty Store to confirm the shipping address on where they needed to ship the prescriptions that Dr, Kaufmann had called in that day. Ok... no big deal. She says, "Would you like me to give you the total?" Sure, I said. "Ok, after insurance, your total will be $2,729.54. How would you like to pay for this?" Um, wait...what? I'm already on $400 worth of medication and they are about to put me on $3,000 dollars more?!? WHAT??? Either me or our credit card is going to be cracked out!
January 31, 2013 - I am 9 days in on taking my shot every single morning. Jeremy has been AWESOME about waking up early every day and giving me my shot before I have to go to work! The only side effects that I have noticed so far are, I have cried about some random things (not that unusual) and I have gone to bed early for a week straight (VERY unusual).
February 3, 2013 - The shots are killing me and not because they are painful! In the hour we were at church, I probably cried 30 minutes of it! There were baptisms...cried! There was a very moving sermon...cried! The youth group stood up and cheered when they talked about Disciple Now...cried. My hormones are sooo messed up! God spoke to me so much during this hour. I am so thankful for the encouragement that He sent my way! :)
February 4, 2013 - I was looking on facebook tonight and saw that two of my friends just announced that they were pregnant with twins after doing an IVF with Dr. Kaufmann (same doctor as me). I guess it became really real to me that Jeremy and I needed to make the decision on whether we wanted to use one embryo or two embryos? If we use one, it may or may not take? If we use two, they both may or may not take or just one might take? So many questions, so few answers! You may be thinking, Oh my goodness, that's easy! I would only choose one embryo. BUT...when you have been trying for this long, you start thinking that you should just take your chances and if you get two...ya!!! Im not sold on either option just yet. Sure wish all of you my readers (if I even have any any more) knew that this was going on so that all of you could be praying for us!!
February 6, 2013 - Today, Mom and I set out to Ft Worth at 5:30 AM. Today was my blood work and Ultrasound with Dr. K. I also had to test my BMI. That was the first time that I had done that! Very interesting!
**This was the second box of medication that I have received during this process. Has anyone ever received a box of medicine this big in the mail??
February 10, 2013 - Today was the big day! I was to start the expensive, high dosage shots! I take .05 of Lupron, 75 of Menopur, and 300 of the Follistim. I have to take the first two in the morning between 6 and 9 AM and one pill of antibiotics, and a baby asprin. Between 6 and 9 PM, I take an antibiotic and a some prenatal vitamins. Jeremy also takes an antibiotic in the morning and night. During this time of sickness, we both really appreciate taking these antibiotics to help protect us as much as we can during this process.
February 12, 2013 - This morning, there was rain, thunder, and lightning that woke Savannah up at 3:30 AM. She couldn't go back to sleep. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal but I had to leave the house at 5:30 AM. So, needless to say, during the ride up there, I couldn't see anything due to the rain, I could barely keep my eyes open, and I struggled the whole way there and back to stay awake! These drugs are making me sooooo sleepy! At this appointment, I had my blood drawn to check my estrogen levels. I left there with them telling me that "no news is good news". I didn't hear from them that day, so that was good news! Everything is right on track!
**Apparently, when you get your blood drawn too many times on the same arm (she had asked me if I wanted to switch arms and I said, no I'm fine) you can blow a vein?
**While I was on this trip to Ft. Worth, my car hit 100,000 miles. You can chalk up about 50,000 of those to thyroid doctors, fertility doctors, high risk doctors, and obgyn doctors.
February 13, 2013 - I am now on my 4th day of all of the shots. Today started out a little rocky. I guess I don't really appreciate the intensity of these shots. I took the shots/pills with out eating anything, so I think that was working against me. I need to be more careful about that in the future. I worked till around 2 and then I left work and headed over to The Basketcase to help Jodi and the crew out during all the Valentine's Day craziness! I left there around 8 and came home. When I got home, I needed my next round of shots. After that, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I thought that I must have over done it today, so Jeremy took care of everything and I laid down. I went and put Savannah to bed and then it really started hitting me hard! I went to go take a bath to try and make myself feel better and then we realized that our pilot light on our water heater had gone out! There was only cold water! Oh no!! A few minutes later, I laid down on the bed thinking it would all go away and I soon realized that I needed to make it to the bathroom...fast! The rest is history! After talking to the doctor, they let me know that nausea, vomiting are possible side effects. One more week...
February 15, 2013 - Mom and I left out of here at 5:30 AM once again. Really appreciate her getting to go with me so Jeremy can stay here and get Savannah where she needs to be and work. These 8:00 appointment times are killing me! There was a wreck, so we were 10 minutes late...even though we left at 5:30! Ft Worth traffic is Crazy! We got half way there and Mom had to give me my shots at McDonalds in Decatur because we left before 6. She let me know that this is NOT her favorite thing to do! I had my estrogen shots and then it was time for my ultrasound. They checked my ovaries and measured them and said that everything looked perfect just as they expected. My body always reacts well to the medicine. The doctor said that I needed to stay on the same dosage of medicine. I was also instructed to come back on Sunday at 10:45 for another appointment. Sunday...really? I guess that's right. You're body doesn't close for the weekend, so I don't guess your doctor can either?
February 17, 2013 - This morning, I was really excited because Jeremy was going to get to ride with me to my appointment because it is on a Sunday! We are real excited because we are going to finally get to go on a Valentine's Date to Saltgrass, considering I was so sick on Valentine's Day! I had my estrogen levels tested again and, mark my word, if I get pricked in the arm one more time, I think my arm is going to fall off! My veins are so sad! When we got situated in our room, the doctor came in and asked how my ovaries are? I let her know that they feel B-I-G! I feel like I am carrying two watermelons around! Ok, I didn't tell her that part, but I just wanted to document that so I remember. Anyways, the doctor laughed and looked at me as if that is a normal response. Then, the ultrasound started and my doctor said, "Oh my! Your ovaries are B-I-G! You are progressing REALLY well." Long story short, I was instructed to wait until she called me around 4 or 5 this afternoon, after they got the blood work back, to tell me what to do next. She did tell me that we are going to have to move up the retrieval day to Wednesday instead of Thursday. Wow...the day that Jeremy and I need to tell them whether or not we want one child or two is drawing near... Really wish I knew the phone number to Heaven so I could speak to God one on one.
February 18, 2013 - Today, Mom kept Savannah for me and Jeremy had to work, so Judy Cookingham woke up EARLY and we headed out of town together to my doctor's appointment! We hit up McDonalds and then we were on our way! We got there and found out that this particular week in fertility world is called "Retrieval Week". The waiting room was packed! I wondered why this day was so different than the others and then I found out that there is a schedule that everyone is on. So, on this particular IVF cycle, this week is the week that we all come together and have our eggs removed. I was called back and she said, "let me know which arm is the least sore?" Well, considering I have been poked a million times in the past week, I don't really have an answer! So, I go with the arm that is the most bruised but the least sore from the past couple of days. Dr. Kaufmann then gave me my ultrasound and let me know that everything looks great! He let me know that they would be calling me a little later to give me further instructions for tomorrow.
Later this day, Jodi, Katelyn, Caroline, Savannah, and I were ready to go eat and Jeremy had not gotten off work yet. I really needed to take my one final shot of Follistim (at a lower dose of 225). So...the BEST friend ever, offered to take one for the team and give me my last shot. Come to find out, this actually wasn't on her bucket list of things to do before she dies! A real friend will give a friend a shot in the belly!! haha
February 19, 2013 - Yes, I have actually been to Ft Worth 3 times in the past 96 hours. Yes, we are taking donations for gas money! Compared to yesterday when the waiting room was packed, today was completely different! We were the only ones waiting today! I found out that yesterday is a check up day for everyone and you only come back on Tuesday if they really need to see you again. The Ultrasound showed there were 4 pages worth of follicles that they were able to print out from the ultrasound machine. They were VERY pleased with my progression! The only problem is, yesterday's bloodwork showed my progesterone level was a little high, which meant that if it didn't lower or stay the same, I would have to freeze the embryos that are created this coming weekend and spend the next month or two bringing my levels back to normal, then starting more meds, then implanting the embryos. I did NOT want that! I wanted to be done with the process this week! I was also told that I needed to quit the Menopure (which I was so thankful for because the Meopure was starting to burn once the shot was inside of me) and just use the Lupron shot one more day.
Around 5:00, the doctor called and let me know that I will need to take my Ovidrel shot at 1:30 AM the next morning, my surgery is scheduled for 1:30 PM on Thursday, and my progesterone levels had actually gone down a little! So, the transfer is still happening on Tuesday, ya!!!
February 20, 2013 - 1:00 PM, Jeremy calls me and lets me know that his chest is hurting, he is weak, and he is having trouble breathing. I was freaking out and immediately thought that he had the flu! I could not see how we were going to be able to continue on with the process if Jeremy was sick. I sent him (kicking and screaming) to clinic care. Come to find out, he was having an asthma attack! Phew...I was sooo excited! Not that he was having an attack, but that was the least of our problems!!
1:30 AM...Jeremy and I set our alarms and woke up to take our trigger shot.
Just take a look at this picture. I am NOT even pregnant but the meds have made my ovaries so big, I clearly look pregnant!!
February 21, 2013 - 4:30 AM, I set my alarm to wake up and eat something considering I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything within 8 hours of the surgery. What sounds good at this time of the morning, you ask?? NOTHING! Ughh. I walked into the kitchen after my alarm went off and I ate some crackers and drank some water. 8:00 AM, my alarm went off and it was time to get ready to head to Ft. Worth for my surgery to remove the eggs from my body. Jeremy, Mom, and I arrived in Ft. Worth a little bit before my appt. I was SUPER nervous. I was called back and asked to change into my gown. At this point, Jeremy was called back to a separate room to do some tests.
The anesthesiologist went to put my cathedor/needle in my vein and, of course, my veins start rolling. Once they finally succeeded, I was asked to walk back to the surgery room. I laid down on the table, and instantly, fear set in! I wasn't nervous about the surgery! I was nervous about the anesthesia and being put to sleep!! Dr. Kaufmann walked in and, all of a sudden, I felt lightheaded and the only thing I can remember was being super excited that this was happening, Dr. Kaufmann was ready to take charge, and the super loud music that Dr. Kaufmann was rocking out to! haha. Then, I was gone...
When I woke up from surgery...
Jeremy said that I couldn't stop saying, "Dr. Kaufmann, I LOVE you! You are the BEST doctor I have ever had! You are sooo cool!" hahahahaha! I took a "thumbs up" picture, I guess letting Jeremy know that everything went ok. In the meantime, after I got fully awake, Rebecah, the coolest nurse ever, came in and let me know that they had retrieved 20 eggs! WOOOAAAAHHH!!! The doctors in the clinic let me know that that was very rare to come out of surgery with that many eggs! 1-4 is normal and I had 20! They were going to spend the afternoon fertilizing the eggs and call me tomorrow to let me know how many succeeded in being fertilized. I was so glad that today was over!! Jeremy's tests taken...check! Eggs retrieved....check! We headed home and I took it easy...doctor's orders!
February 22, 2013 - Dr. Kaufmann called to let us know that 17 embryos had been fertilized and they will check them again on Sunday. You don't want to disturb the growing embroys too much!
February 23, 2013 - I was supposed to start my Crinone medicine first thing in the morning. Did I remember...NO! Did I finally remember in the afternoon while I am all the way in Dean, Texas? YES!
February 24, 2013 - Dr. Kaufmann called me a couple hours after church and informed me that all of our little embryos are growing beautifully and our embryo transfer is scheduled for Tuesday, February 26th at 2:00. Please come with a full bladder and arrive 30 minutes before the appointment.
February 25, 2013 - Today, was a very blessed day! Today, I got reminded that He is in control, not me! We had planned to leave Tuesday morning at around 10:00 AM but God had better plans...always! Around 2:00 PM, we got word that 40 miles out, they had shut 287 down due to a winter blizzard and instantly, I began panicking! What if the snow came down, they shut the roads down, and I was not able to make it to my appointment the next day?!? So, Jeremy, Savannah, Mom and I, loaded up and we made our way to Dallas within 30 minutes! The trip was pretty crazy from Wichita Falls to Bowie. The flakes were BIG! It was coming down! Once we arrived in Bowie, there really wasn't much going on. Although the weather wasn't a problem, I still wouldn't give up going early for anything in the whole world! We stayed downtown Ft. Worth, ate at Saltgrass Steakhouse, went swimming in the hotel pool, and had the best time ever!
Yup, that's my husband riding the handicap machine into the pool!
February 26, 2013 - Today, I woke up in the hotel with the BEST feeling! I don't know if it was the amazing, encouraging text messages from the sweetest, best friends! Phoobie, Judy Cookingham, Lauren Hays, Jody Morris, Jodi Camp, Kathy Drake, Kim Francis, Jackie, and Jenny, you guys will never know how encouraging and uplifting your messages were! I'm not sure if was the anxiousness of what lies ahead or the fact that I could possibly be close to being pregnant today?!?
12:00 PM - We checked out of the hotel and made our way to Chick Fil A to eat. Problem is, I shouldn't have started drinking at noon when my appointment was at 2:00. I knew that I needed to drink 32 ounces of water and have a full bladder but what I didn't take into consideration was the fact that I was drinking tons of water at lunch on top of the 32 ounce bottle of water I started drinking at 12:30. So, total I probable drank 40 ounces of water.
2:00 - We got called back and put my gown on and Jeremy's space suit...
We were having WAY too much fun with the space suit, gown, and mask!
Thhheeeennnn....the pain hit! I mean, the fact that I had to go to the bathroom is a COMPLETE understatement! I think Rebecca could tell that I was about to start crying, so she told me that I could go to the bathroom for 3 seconds and then stop. I did that, and it didn't seem to help at all?!?
Dr K came in and showed us a picture of the two best embryos...
We requested that he only use one..
Finally, Dr. K called me back to the surgery room. I can't begin to explain what the next couple of minutes were like. Jeremy and I got to witness a medical miracle take place right in front of our eyes! Once again, they were rocking out in the surgery room, so that took some of the anxiety away! There were two big screens on the wall. One screen was used to show us what was going on in the lab. Someone flashed our name across the screen and then all of a sudden our embryo popped up on the screen. They were making sure that they were giving us the correct embryo. Then, in an instant, they sucked the embryo up in a syringe. Within seconds, the embryologist was walking in the surgery room holding a syringe with our embryo inside. Dr. K took the syringe from him and then you could see my uterus pop up on the next screen. Jeremy and I LITERALLY watched a medical miracle take place as we watched him place the embryo all the way into the uteral cavity. Wow...
Then, OUT OF NOWHERE, my mind exited and went to some crazy place! I began to worry. I began thinking that if I even breathed the wrong way, I was going to lose this embryo/baby. Oh no, I am pregnant...what if we have a repeat of this Summer. What if I have went to all of this trouble and I don't even get pregnant?!? It's almost as if the devil saw me as fair game! I completely lost track of the fact that God has blessed me EVERY step of this process. There has never been a moment when I didn't think that he was guiding my path to the second biggest blessing of our whole lives! I would like to say that I snapped out of it but, really, I spent the entire day worrying, searching google, and freaking out! It wasn't until 11:00 at night that I pulled out my bible and read every verse there is about worrying, cleared my head, and have been back to trusting in God with all of my heart ever since then!
Now we wait until the pregnancy test...
February 27 - March 4 - Not going to lie...my faith has been REALLY tested this past week! In the blink of an eye, my worrying sets in and I am anticipating a false pregnancy test. I have woke up the past three nights at 3:00 AM and I am frantically thinking about the fact that I have zero symptoms! I have done a LOT of praying and asking God to calm my thoughts.
More waiting till the pregnancy test...
March 7, 2013 - This morning, I woke up anticipating the worst but having HIGH hopes that I was wrong! I set off to take my pregnancy test without ANYONE but Jeremy knowing! Today is Mom's birthday, so I didn't want to ruin her birthday. I left the blood test having mixed emotions. I knew that I had yet to experience any symptoms but I kept remembering what Jeremy always says, "Crystal, you never have any symptoms."
Around 12:30, I was eating lunch at Olive Garden with Mom, Dad, Jackie, and Jenny when my phone rang and "ROBERT KAUFMANN" came up on my caller ID. I stepped outside to take the call and Kenya (one of my nurses) let me know in the nicest way possible that she was sorry, but I was not pregnant...
My heart sank...
Thankfully, I held it together. I could tell that I was acting different but I couldn't help it! I wanted to scream! I wanted to cry! EVERYTHING was a blur the rest of the lunch. I'm pretty sure that everyone was talking to me but I am not sure how I answered. I felt like my head was spinning! I'm not even sure if I paid for my lunch? I do remember telling everyone that I needed to get back to work.
As I stepped out of the Olive Garden doors, I broke down. After 3 years of negative test results, I am growing used to the sadness! All the times before, I would have 5 minutes of sadness and then be done with it and over it! Not, this time...
The ride back to work was horrible! My Dad picked up on the fact that something was wrong, so he called to see what was going on. I broke down AGAIN. I couldn't help it! I don't know what was so different this time? Two months down the drain? More invested in the process? Emotionally, Physically, and Financially drained? I'm not sure?
The rest of the day was BAD! I physically could NOT stop crying? No matter what I did, I would cry?
Until...later that night, Dr. Kaufmann called. He let me know that he was sorry that I was not pregnant but don't get down about it because I had 8 beautiful embryos saved! Easier said than done but it did make me feel MUCH better just to talk to him.
March 12, 2013 - Not going to lie. These early morning appointments are getting really old! Oh well... good things come to those who wait. No pain, no gain. etc. etc. etc...
I went to my appointment and got the usual response "Crystal, we are so sorry that you are not pregnant!" "Everything looks perfect!" "You are on your way to getting pregnant!"
Long story short, I needed to start my Estrace pills on the 14th. One in the morning and one at night. Then, on the 19th, I need to up my meds to one at 8AM, one at 2PM, and one at 8PM. Here we go again!
March 26, 2013 - Today was a REALLY hard day. The night before my appt, I did not go to sleep until 3:15 AM. Keep in mind, I had to wake up at 4:30 AM. So, needless to say, on the trip to Ft Worth for my 8:15 AM appointment, I was shot! I had to pull over multiple times and run around the car to get my blood flowing. I had a biscuit at McDonalds in Decatur and I was DYING for a coke or a red bull. I think it would have been safer for me to be completely wasted driving to Ft Worth.
At my appointment, which lasted 5 minutes total, they took my blood and gave me my usual ultrasound. My endometrial lining was at a 12 (they hope for atleast 7, so that was good) and everything looked great! They informed me that my embryo transfer is scheduled for next Tuesday, April 2nd at 12:45. They also informed me that they are going to be putting two embryos in this time............
On another note, the trip home was rough! I stopped in Haslet, right outside of Ft Worth, to get a Sonic water. Well, right after the girl brought my water out, I NO LIE fell asleep in the Sonic stall! How embarrassing ! I could NOT believe it when I woke up! That is so unlike me!! Needless to say, I had to munch down on ice the whole way home, I turned it on the 90's on Sirius and I made Jackie some music videos of me singing the 90's to make her laugh while she was at work, and I stuck my head out the window on multiple occasions. Ughhh....
Have I mentioned yet, that I should have a free pass of some kind when/if I get pregnant. This child should NOT ever be allowed to be mean or cause his/her mother any time of grief for what I have done for him/her the past three years! :)
March 27, 2013 - Today was kind of a hectic day. I had to get my hair done, go to work, get Savannah, go to Awanas, place my 31 order, buy Jackie's Airline tickets, etc. So, when my alarm on my cell phone went off alerting me that it was 8:00 and time for my nightly Estrogen pill, I thought that I would get it in a minute. MISTAKE #1! Around 9:15, it dawned on me that I had not taken my pill yet! Ughh...I hope that doesn't mess things up! Remember, I am an OCD, Rule Follower, Freak Show!!
Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, I was supposed to start my progesterone shots in my butt and as I am getting Savannah's Easter basket, Easter cookies ready for her Easter Party, it dawns on me that it is 9:15, and I was supposed to start the shots between 6 and 9. I need to get it together!
So...I freak out, go get Jeremy, we watch the tutorial video on the internet, and then I go get the supplies...I could NOT believe the size of the needle on this thing!!
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Dr. Kaufmann called me that night soooo excited! He let us know that my level was at 101 which was great! He also said that I would need to go back on Monday to test again! He informed me that my 5 remaining embryos would be waiting on me at the clinic when/if we are ready to use them!
January 28, 2013 - I am getting the feeling that we are doing everything according to God's plan. Different things going on through this process give me the reassurance that we are following His plan! All the encouragement I need! Mom kept Savannah for me today and decided to skim through the IVF material that we were given to familiarize herself with what was going on a little more. She happened to notice that the calendar said that I needed to stop the birth control on the 27th. In my mind, I was supposed to take it to the end of the month? So, long story short, she found this out for me randomly and I would have screwed up the process if I wouldn't have stopped on the 27th, which just happens to be the last pill I took. If that isn't God watching over this process, I don't know what is? Number 2, I shared with one of my friends at our Friday Funday lunch that we were in the middle of doing the IVF treatment and she said, "Oh, that is so weird. Just yesterday, at my Mom's group bible study, I placed you and Jeremy on the prayer list." WOW! See...different things along the way are really letting me know that God has his hands on this process whatever the outcome is!
Little Side Note...I really appreciate the people in my life that are going on this journey with us! The encouragement, prayers, and phone calls are just what we need to get us through the next two months!!
January 30, 2013 - I got a call after lunch from the Walgreen's Specialty Store to confirm the shipping address on where they needed to ship the prescriptions that Dr, Kaufmann had called in that day. Ok... no big deal. She says, "Would you like me to give you the total?" Sure, I said. "Ok, after insurance, your total will be $2,729.54. How would you like to pay for this?" Um, wait...what? I'm already on $400 worth of medication and they are about to put me on $3,000 dollars more?!? WHAT??? Either me or our credit card is going to be cracked out!
January 31, 2013 - I am 9 days in on taking my shot every single morning. Jeremy has been AWESOME about waking up early every day and giving me my shot before I have to go to work! The only side effects that I have noticed so far are, I have cried about some random things (not that unusual) and I have gone to bed early for a week straight (VERY unusual).
February 3, 2013 - The shots are killing me and not because they are painful! In the hour we were at church, I probably cried 30 minutes of it! There were baptisms...cried! There was a very moving sermon...cried! The youth group stood up and cheered when they talked about Disciple Now...cried. My hormones are sooo messed up! God spoke to me so much during this hour. I am so thankful for the encouragement that He sent my way! :)
February 4, 2013 - I was looking on facebook tonight and saw that two of my friends just announced that they were pregnant with twins after doing an IVF with Dr. Kaufmann (same doctor as me). I guess it became really real to me that Jeremy and I needed to make the decision on whether we wanted to use one embryo or two embryos? If we use one, it may or may not take? If we use two, they both may or may not take or just one might take? So many questions, so few answers! You may be thinking, Oh my goodness, that's easy! I would only choose one embryo. BUT...when you have been trying for this long, you start thinking that you should just take your chances and if you get two...ya!!! Im not sold on either option just yet. Sure wish all of you my readers (if I even have any any more) knew that this was going on so that all of you could be praying for us!!
February 6, 2013 - Today, Mom and I set out to Ft Worth at 5:30 AM. Today was my blood work and Ultrasound with Dr. K. I also had to test my BMI. That was the first time that I had done that! Very interesting!
**This was the second box of medication that I have received during this process. Has anyone ever received a box of medicine this big in the mail??
February 12, 2013 - This morning, there was rain, thunder, and lightning that woke Savannah up at 3:30 AM. She couldn't go back to sleep. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal but I had to leave the house at 5:30 AM. So, needless to say, during the ride up there, I couldn't see anything due to the rain, I could barely keep my eyes open, and I struggled the whole way there and back to stay awake! These drugs are making me sooooo sleepy! At this appointment, I had my blood drawn to check my estrogen levels. I left there with them telling me that "no news is good news". I didn't hear from them that day, so that was good news! Everything is right on track!
**Apparently, when you get your blood drawn too many times on the same arm (she had asked me if I wanted to switch arms and I said, no I'm fine) you can blow a vein?
February 13, 2013 - I am now on my 4th day of all of the shots. Today started out a little rocky. I guess I don't really appreciate the intensity of these shots. I took the shots/pills with out eating anything, so I think that was working against me. I need to be more careful about that in the future. I worked till around 2 and then I left work and headed over to The Basketcase to help Jodi and the crew out during all the Valentine's Day craziness! I left there around 8 and came home. When I got home, I needed my next round of shots. After that, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I thought that I must have over done it today, so Jeremy took care of everything and I laid down. I went and put Savannah to bed and then it really started hitting me hard! I went to go take a bath to try and make myself feel better and then we realized that our pilot light on our water heater had gone out! There was only cold water! Oh no!! A few minutes later, I laid down on the bed thinking it would all go away and I soon realized that I needed to make it to the bathroom...fast! The rest is history! After talking to the doctor, they let me know that nausea, vomiting are possible side effects. One more week...
February 15, 2013 - Mom and I left out of here at 5:30 AM once again. Really appreciate her getting to go with me so Jeremy can stay here and get Savannah where she needs to be and work. These 8:00 appointment times are killing me! There was a wreck, so we were 10 minutes late...even though we left at 5:30! Ft Worth traffic is Crazy! We got half way there and Mom had to give me my shots at McDonalds in Decatur because we left before 6. She let me know that this is NOT her favorite thing to do! I had my estrogen shots and then it was time for my ultrasound. They checked my ovaries and measured them and said that everything looked perfect just as they expected. My body always reacts well to the medicine. The doctor said that I needed to stay on the same dosage of medicine. I was also instructed to come back on Sunday at 10:45 for another appointment. Sunday...really? I guess that's right. You're body doesn't close for the weekend, so I don't guess your doctor can either?
February 17, 2013 - This morning, I was really excited because Jeremy was going to get to ride with me to my appointment because it is on a Sunday! We are real excited because we are going to finally get to go on a Valentine's Date to Saltgrass, considering I was so sick on Valentine's Day! I had my estrogen levels tested again and, mark my word, if I get pricked in the arm one more time, I think my arm is going to fall off! My veins are so sad! When we got situated in our room, the doctor came in and asked how my ovaries are? I let her know that they feel B-I-G! I feel like I am carrying two watermelons around! Ok, I didn't tell her that part, but I just wanted to document that so I remember. Anyways, the doctor laughed and looked at me as if that is a normal response. Then, the ultrasound started and my doctor said, "Oh my! Your ovaries are B-I-G! You are progressing REALLY well." Long story short, I was instructed to wait until she called me around 4 or 5 this afternoon, after they got the blood work back, to tell me what to do next. She did tell me that we are going to have to move up the retrieval day to Wednesday instead of Thursday. Wow...the day that Jeremy and I need to tell them whether or not we want one child or two is drawing near... Really wish I knew the phone number to Heaven so I could speak to God one on one.
February 18, 2013 - Today, Mom kept Savannah for me and Jeremy had to work, so Judy Cookingham woke up EARLY and we headed out of town together to my doctor's appointment! We hit up McDonalds and then we were on our way! We got there and found out that this particular week in fertility world is called "Retrieval Week". The waiting room was packed! I wondered why this day was so different than the others and then I found out that there is a schedule that everyone is on. So, on this particular IVF cycle, this week is the week that we all come together and have our eggs removed. I was called back and she said, "let me know which arm is the least sore?" Well, considering I have been poked a million times in the past week, I don't really have an answer! So, I go with the arm that is the most bruised but the least sore from the past couple of days. Dr. Kaufmann then gave me my ultrasound and let me know that everything looks great! He let me know that they would be calling me a little later to give me further instructions for tomorrow.
Later this day, Jodi, Katelyn, Caroline, Savannah, and I were ready to go eat and Jeremy had not gotten off work yet. I really needed to take my one final shot of Follistim (at a lower dose of 225). So...the BEST friend ever, offered to take one for the team and give me my last shot. Come to find out, this actually wasn't on her bucket list of things to do before she dies! A real friend will give a friend a shot in the belly!! haha
February 19, 2013 - Yes, I have actually been to Ft Worth 3 times in the past 96 hours. Yes, we are taking donations for gas money! Compared to yesterday when the waiting room was packed, today was completely different! We were the only ones waiting today! I found out that yesterday is a check up day for everyone and you only come back on Tuesday if they really need to see you again. The Ultrasound showed there were 4 pages worth of follicles that they were able to print out from the ultrasound machine. They were VERY pleased with my progression! The only problem is, yesterday's bloodwork showed my progesterone level was a little high, which meant that if it didn't lower or stay the same, I would have to freeze the embryos that are created this coming weekend and spend the next month or two bringing my levels back to normal, then starting more meds, then implanting the embryos. I did NOT want that! I wanted to be done with the process this week! I was also told that I needed to quit the Menopure (which I was so thankful for because the Meopure was starting to burn once the shot was inside of me) and just use the Lupron shot one more day.
Around 5:00, the doctor called and let me know that I will need to take my Ovidrel shot at 1:30 AM the next morning, my surgery is scheduled for 1:30 PM on Thursday, and my progesterone levels had actually gone down a little! So, the transfer is still happening on Tuesday, ya!!!
February 20, 2013 - 1:00 PM, Jeremy calls me and lets me know that his chest is hurting, he is weak, and he is having trouble breathing. I was freaking out and immediately thought that he had the flu! I could not see how we were going to be able to continue on with the process if Jeremy was sick. I sent him (kicking and screaming) to clinic care. Come to find out, he was having an asthma attack! Phew...I was sooo excited! Not that he was having an attack, but that was the least of our problems!!
1:30 AM...Jeremy and I set our alarms and woke up to take our trigger shot.
February 21, 2013 - 4:30 AM, I set my alarm to wake up and eat something considering I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything within 8 hours of the surgery. What sounds good at this time of the morning, you ask?? NOTHING! Ughh. I walked into the kitchen after my alarm went off and I ate some crackers and drank some water. 8:00 AM, my alarm went off and it was time to get ready to head to Ft. Worth for my surgery to remove the eggs from my body. Jeremy, Mom, and I arrived in Ft. Worth a little bit before my appt. I was SUPER nervous. I was called back and asked to change into my gown. At this point, Jeremy was called back to a separate room to do some tests.
When I woke up from surgery...
February 22, 2013 - Dr. Kaufmann called to let us know that 17 embryos had been fertilized and they will check them again on Sunday. You don't want to disturb the growing embroys too much!
February 23, 2013 - I was supposed to start my Crinone medicine first thing in the morning. Did I remember...NO! Did I finally remember in the afternoon while I am all the way in Dean, Texas? YES!
February 24, 2013 - Dr. Kaufmann called me a couple hours after church and informed me that all of our little embryos are growing beautifully and our embryo transfer is scheduled for Tuesday, February 26th at 2:00. Please come with a full bladder and arrive 30 minutes before the appointment.
February 25, 2013 - Today, was a very blessed day! Today, I got reminded that He is in control, not me! We had planned to leave Tuesday morning at around 10:00 AM but God had better plans...always! Around 2:00 PM, we got word that 40 miles out, they had shut 287 down due to a winter blizzard and instantly, I began panicking! What if the snow came down, they shut the roads down, and I was not able to make it to my appointment the next day?!? So, Jeremy, Savannah, Mom and I, loaded up and we made our way to Dallas within 30 minutes! The trip was pretty crazy from Wichita Falls to Bowie. The flakes were BIG! It was coming down! Once we arrived in Bowie, there really wasn't much going on. Although the weather wasn't a problem, I still wouldn't give up going early for anything in the whole world! We stayed downtown Ft. Worth, ate at Saltgrass Steakhouse, went swimming in the hotel pool, and had the best time ever!
February 26, 2013 - Today, I woke up in the hotel with the BEST feeling! I don't know if it was the amazing, encouraging text messages from the sweetest, best friends! Phoobie, Judy Cookingham, Lauren Hays, Jody Morris, Jodi Camp, Kathy Drake, Kim Francis, Jackie, and Jenny, you guys will never know how encouraging and uplifting your messages were! I'm not sure if was the anxiousness of what lies ahead or the fact that I could possibly be close to being pregnant today?!?
12:00 PM - We checked out of the hotel and made our way to Chick Fil A to eat. Problem is, I shouldn't have started drinking at noon when my appointment was at 2:00. I knew that I needed to drink 32 ounces of water and have a full bladder but what I didn't take into consideration was the fact that I was drinking tons of water at lunch on top of the 32 ounce bottle of water I started drinking at 12:30. So, total I probable drank 40 ounces of water.
2:00 - We got called back and put my gown on and Jeremy's space suit...
Thhheeeennnn....the pain hit! I mean, the fact that I had to go to the bathroom is a COMPLETE understatement! I think Rebecca could tell that I was about to start crying, so she told me that I could go to the bathroom for 3 seconds and then stop. I did that, and it didn't seem to help at all?!?
Dr K came in and showed us a picture of the two best embryos...
Finally, Dr. K called me back to the surgery room. I can't begin to explain what the next couple of minutes were like. Jeremy and I got to witness a medical miracle take place right in front of our eyes! Once again, they were rocking out in the surgery room, so that took some of the anxiety away! There were two big screens on the wall. One screen was used to show us what was going on in the lab. Someone flashed our name across the screen and then all of a sudden our embryo popped up on the screen. They were making sure that they were giving us the correct embryo. Then, in an instant, they sucked the embryo up in a syringe. Within seconds, the embryologist was walking in the surgery room holding a syringe with our embryo inside. Dr. K took the syringe from him and then you could see my uterus pop up on the next screen. Jeremy and I LITERALLY watched a medical miracle take place as we watched him place the embryo all the way into the uteral cavity. Wow...
Then, OUT OF NOWHERE, my mind exited and went to some crazy place! I began to worry. I began thinking that if I even breathed the wrong way, I was going to lose this embryo/baby. Oh no, I am pregnant...what if we have a repeat of this Summer. What if I have went to all of this trouble and I don't even get pregnant?!? It's almost as if the devil saw me as fair game! I completely lost track of the fact that God has blessed me EVERY step of this process. There has never been a moment when I didn't think that he was guiding my path to the second biggest blessing of our whole lives! I would like to say that I snapped out of it but, really, I spent the entire day worrying, searching google, and freaking out! It wasn't until 11:00 at night that I pulled out my bible and read every verse there is about worrying, cleared my head, and have been back to trusting in God with all of my heart ever since then!
Now we wait until the pregnancy test...
February 27 - March 4 - Not going to lie...my faith has been REALLY tested this past week! In the blink of an eye, my worrying sets in and I am anticipating a false pregnancy test. I have woke up the past three nights at 3:00 AM and I am frantically thinking about the fact that I have zero symptoms! I have done a LOT of praying and asking God to calm my thoughts.
More waiting till the pregnancy test...
March 7, 2013 - This morning, I woke up anticipating the worst but having HIGH hopes that I was wrong! I set off to take my pregnancy test without ANYONE but Jeremy knowing! Today is Mom's birthday, so I didn't want to ruin her birthday. I left the blood test having mixed emotions. I knew that I had yet to experience any symptoms but I kept remembering what Jeremy always says, "Crystal, you never have any symptoms."
Around 12:30, I was eating lunch at Olive Garden with Mom, Dad, Jackie, and Jenny when my phone rang and "ROBERT KAUFMANN" came up on my caller ID. I stepped outside to take the call and Kenya (one of my nurses) let me know in the nicest way possible that she was sorry, but I was not pregnant...
My heart sank...
Thankfully, I held it together. I could tell that I was acting different but I couldn't help it! I wanted to scream! I wanted to cry! EVERYTHING was a blur the rest of the lunch. I'm pretty sure that everyone was talking to me but I am not sure how I answered. I felt like my head was spinning! I'm not even sure if I paid for my lunch? I do remember telling everyone that I needed to get back to work.
As I stepped out of the Olive Garden doors, I broke down. After 3 years of negative test results, I am growing used to the sadness! All the times before, I would have 5 minutes of sadness and then be done with it and over it! Not, this time...
The ride back to work was horrible! My Dad picked up on the fact that something was wrong, so he called to see what was going on. I broke down AGAIN. I couldn't help it! I don't know what was so different this time? Two months down the drain? More invested in the process? Emotionally, Physically, and Financially drained? I'm not sure?
The rest of the day was BAD! I physically could NOT stop crying? No matter what I did, I would cry?
Until...later that night, Dr. Kaufmann called. He let me know that he was sorry that I was not pregnant but don't get down about it because I had 8 beautiful embryos saved! Easier said than done but it did make me feel MUCH better just to talk to him.
March 12, 2013 - Not going to lie. These early morning appointments are getting really old! Oh well... good things come to those who wait. No pain, no gain. etc. etc. etc...
I went to my appointment and got the usual response "Crystal, we are so sorry that you are not pregnant!" "Everything looks perfect!" "You are on your way to getting pregnant!"
Long story short, I needed to start my Estrace pills on the 14th. One in the morning and one at night. Then, on the 19th, I need to up my meds to one at 8AM, one at 2PM, and one at 8PM. Here we go again!
March 26, 2013 - Today was a REALLY hard day. The night before my appt, I did not go to sleep until 3:15 AM. Keep in mind, I had to wake up at 4:30 AM. So, needless to say, on the trip to Ft Worth for my 8:15 AM appointment, I was shot! I had to pull over multiple times and run around the car to get my blood flowing. I had a biscuit at McDonalds in Decatur and I was DYING for a coke or a red bull. I think it would have been safer for me to be completely wasted driving to Ft Worth.
At my appointment, which lasted 5 minutes total, they took my blood and gave me my usual ultrasound. My endometrial lining was at a 12 (they hope for atleast 7, so that was good) and everything looked great! They informed me that my embryo transfer is scheduled for next Tuesday, April 2nd at 12:45. They also informed me that they are going to be putting two embryos in this time............
On another note, the trip home was rough! I stopped in Haslet, right outside of Ft Worth, to get a Sonic water. Well, right after the girl brought my water out, I NO LIE fell asleep in the Sonic stall! How embarrassing ! I could NOT believe it when I woke up! That is so unlike me!! Needless to say, I had to munch down on ice the whole way home, I turned it on the 90's on Sirius and I made Jackie some music videos of me singing the 90's to make her laugh while she was at work, and I stuck my head out the window on multiple occasions. Ughhh....
Have I mentioned yet, that I should have a free pass of some kind when/if I get pregnant. This child should NOT ever be allowed to be mean or cause his/her mother any time of grief for what I have done for him/her the past three years! :)
March 27, 2013 - Today was kind of a hectic day. I had to get my hair done, go to work, get Savannah, go to Awanas, place my 31 order, buy Jackie's Airline tickets, etc. So, when my alarm on my cell phone went off alerting me that it was 8:00 and time for my nightly Estrogen pill, I thought that I would get it in a minute. MISTAKE #1! Around 9:15, it dawned on me that I had not taken my pill yet! Ughh...I hope that doesn't mess things up! Remember, I am an OCD, Rule Follower, Freak Show!!
Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, I was supposed to start my progesterone shots in my butt and as I am getting Savannah's Easter basket, Easter cookies ready for her Easter Party, it dawns on me that it is 9:15, and I was supposed to start the shots between 6 and 9. I need to get it together!
So...I freak out, go get Jeremy, we watch the tutorial video on the internet, and then I go get the supplies...I could NOT believe the size of the needle on this thing!!
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Look at the length/width of that needle! I started getting nervous! That whole needle had to go in my hip/butt! It wasn't as bad as I thought. I mean, come on, I do have a Kim Kardashian type butt, so that worked out well!
April 2, 2013 - Today was the big day! We arrived at Saltgrass around 11:00 to eat a "light lunch". What exactly is a "light lunch"?? I ordered a kid's meal and it was excruciating not getting to eat a big meal! Anyways, we made our way over to the clinic around 12:15. I was actually a whole lot smarter this time than last. I started drinking all the water you are required to drink when I arrived. Last time, I got into a bind because I started drinking the water an hour before and when it was finally transfer time, I was in so much pain and I was struggling!
Dr. K walked into the room as excited as ever! He let me know that I had the option to do two embryos, but he STRONGLY suggests me to do 2! So...that's what we did!
He has definitely been my rock through this whole process. Constant encouragement and support!
He brought in a picture of the two frozen embryos that we would be using. I thought they were really cute, right?
The transfer went great and it was suggested that I spend the next 24 hours on bed rest. I am currently on bed rest and my back and head hurt and I am starving!!! Someone please bring me something to eat! Who would ever think that laying down could hurt so bad?!? In 9 days, I will be able to see if the whole process worked this time?
April 8, 2013 - I woke up this morning with a cold! Ughh. Although, while I was researching things on the internet, I came across this website that informed me of something called Pregnancy Rhinitis. Having a runny nose, cold or cough during pregnancy. That gives me some hope...
April 3rd - April 10th - The past two weeks have been ok, as far as waiting goes. A couple of days ago, I started wondering if things worked? I don't know how to describe it, but a part of me feels like I am pregnant. I haven't really told anyone because I didn't want to look bad if I wasn't actually pregnant. The only physical things that I noticed that could be linked to pregnancy was that I had mild cramping. I also feel bloated but I thought that that had to do with the medicine.
April 11, 2013 - Blood Test morning! I woke up and the day started out great! I am having an awesome hair day and was in and out of the lab in no time! I'm feeling VERY good vibes today! I went back to work and waited for the dreaded phone call. 10 minutes before I got "the phone call", the florist arrived at my work to deliver flowers. She said, "I'm looking for Crystal". Judy quickly answered, "I'm Crystal". The florist lady politely said, "I hope you are pregnant then". hahaha.
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Jeremy had delivered me flowers 10 minutes before I got the phone call. The card read, "I love you! I hope you have a good day! Love, Jeremy". This just added to the list of good vibes I was getting!!
A couple minutes later, my phone rang and it read "ROBERT KAUFMANN". Ughh....
I have a love/hate relationship with that name popping up on my caller ID. It was Rebecca, which just happens to be my favorite nurse! She said, "Crystal? Where are you?" I told her I was at work. She said, "You're pregnant!" All that could come out of my mouth was "Shutup!" I mean, to finally hear those words again was very bittersweet! I have been waiting to hear those words again for so long but when I finally did, fear and anxiety set in! All of the feelings from the Summer came rushing back in!
Rebecca went on to let me know that I need to stay on the Estrace 3 times a day and the progesterone shots (in the butt) until they tell me other wise! She was so happy for me! That's another reason why I love this doctor and his staff. I really feel like they care for our success!
I immediately called Jeremy and told him and he was off the charts excited! I sent out a text to all my family and friends that have been keeping up with this process, praying for us, and supporting us for 3 years now! The one person I want to tell soooooo bad (Savannah), I feel like I am going to hold out as long as I can because we are just now getting over all of the questions of this past Summer. Until then, Keep Calm and Pray On!
April 15, 2013 - Today was my next blood test. I don't know why I am just as nervous as I was on Thursday? The only symptoms that I have noticed at this point are mild cramping, heightened hunger level, and I get real tired around 3:00. I got the call around 3:00 that my levels had shot up to 991, which was perfect. At this point, I am 4 weeks. I googled what your levels should be at 4 weeks and should be between 5 and 426. I googled what it means if your levels are higher than they should be and it said that could mean multiples...
TO BE CONTINUED...
April 19 - April 21 - This weekend was rough! Started out with a migraine headache that I could NOT kick! The dumb thing lasted from Thursday night to Saturday morning. After I finally kicked that, I noticed that I was becoming nauseous. Oh great! Sunday morning after church, I felt awful. I had a chest cold that was really annoying. Cough and stopped up nose are exactly what I needed. I laid down to take after church and woke up with the most excruciating pain in my shoulder? What happened during my nap? That lasted all day. Horrible pain! Finally eased up when I put a heating pad on it! What a weekend...
I can definitely tell that this pregnancy is different than the last two....
April 22 - This morning was my third and final blood test to make sure that my levels are rising like they should be. Around 4:00, Rebecca called me back and informed me that my levels are perfect! She let me know that the number was 13,995. I googled what the highest my number should be and it was 749. I guess that pretty much confirms that we will be having twins.
3:00 AM - I wake up in a panic. How are we going to do two babies at one time? Will Savannah suffer because all of my time/energy are having to focus on two babies? Will I ever sleep again? I have to still be able to work. Is that going to be ok? Needless to say, I am freaking out and I am not even joking. I need a peace to come over me like I have never experienced before!
April 22 - May 13th - I am ashamed to say that this whole time period is a COMPLETE blur! I am overwhelmed with fear. Actually, that is putting it lightly! I do know one thing, I cried a lot! I know for a fact that I have a couple of people in my life that more than likely blocked my phone calls because I was so annoying about fretting over the fact that there are more than likely twins growing in my belly. I even had Jenny over one night to help me google everything possible about your levels and twins. After we were done, there wasn't much more we could google.
I mean...why am I so worried about all of the details? If God brought us to it, then why don't I think He can bring us through it? I am soooooooo sick right now. I am almost 100% positive that this sickness has NOTHING to do with pregnancy. I literally think that I have made myself sick at the fear of twins? But why? Why am I so distraught over this? I know that when I see those two babies, I am going to regret everything that I am thinking/feeling right now.
April 30 - The day that we find out just how many babies are in belly has arrived! I was SUPER sick the whole way to Ft. Worth. Jenny took off of work and road down there with us. When we got to the clinic, I just knew that I was going to throw up at any moment...
We finally got called back. I was laying on the examining table, waiting for Dr. K to come in the room, Jenny was behind me brushing my hair back trying to calm my nerves, and Jeremy was sitting in the chair next to me as proud as he could be that he might be a Daddy of 3! Oh to be a guy that doesn't worry about details...
Dr. K walked into the room just as excited as ever to see us! He started the ultrasound and the room grew quiet. I looked at the screen and immediately knew what the verdict was even before he said anything. There were two precious babies and two perfect little sacs up there on the screen. Dr. K said, "Well, looks like you are having twins." He was really guarded on his words because he knew that I wasn't completely on board for two. I just wanted one...or did I!
At this point, tears were rolling down my face and apparently Jeremy and Jenny were having a little cry fest behind me as well because Dr. K started handing out Kleenexes to everyone!
Dr. K made the comment that if I show up in two weeks and one of the twins had vanished (vanishing twins syndrome), I would be throwing a fit. He is right! I know he is! Isn't life fun?
**I would just like to throw in a little side note. I am NOT an evil person that is upset about the thought of twins. As horrible as I may sound right now, pouting and all, I have let the devil throw fears like you would never understand on my brain! I have allowed fear to completely overshadow all of the blessings that have just happened right before my eyes! I am not happy about how I am handing this one bit, but I am very human and, in my defense, I am on a LOT of hormone medication that is clouding my ability to think rationally! I have, however, talked to 2 different couples that have twins. I am happy to say that each couple has told me that when they found out they were having twins, they cried their eyes out! Made me feel a little better!!
Stay tuned...I actually overcome these fears in a couple of days...!!
My family could not be happier at the thought of two little nuggets growing in my belly! Jeremy actually (in the middle of my freak out session, in his most redneck voice possible) said, "Well, I was hoping for 3 but I will settle for 2."
My grandma actually said two things that really made sense to me...
1) Crystal, have you ever thought that you prayed for 3 years for a baby and God decided to DOUBLY bless you?
2) Have you ever thought that when He takes something away (my baby this past Summer) that if you are faithful He will turn around and bless you two fold?
Yes, Mamma...I get it...
May 13 - Mom and I loaded up around 2:00 to head to Ft. Worth for my check up appt. I am still not in the frame of mind to be 100% excited about this. It really upsets me because I remember how over the moon I was when I was pregnant the first and second times. Life was wonderful. Why am I letting fear steal the joy of pregnancy right out from underneath me? Fear/Worry/Devil 1 Crystal 0.
Mom was great. She tried to ease my fears and said that maybe God designed her to be such a young grandma so she could help babysit the twins. Gayle has also made the comment that she will help wherever needed.
When we got to the clinic, I wasn't as nauseous as last time but I was very uneasy.
We walked into the clinic and I sat down in the waiting room. Right off the bat, I overheard the financial lady talking to a couple about how much this whole process is going to cost. I felt worn out thinking about starting this whole process over again and being at the beginning of it all. Then, as I am walking to my room, a couple was walking out of their room and it would appear that the girl had been crying and the boy had his head down. They were then directed in a room where they take you to talk about your situation. I began to get this humbled feeling thinking that all of these people want what I have and I have two of what they want! How ungrateful have I been? I would hope that I wasn't ungrateful, I just let fear of the unknown (are the babies going to be ok because my baby wasn't ok last time, will I still be able to work, will I still have time for Savannah?) overtake my ability to be happy about my current situation.
At that moment in the clinic, I decided to give it all to God and not worry about anything! He has brought us to it and He will get us through it! Don't worry about anything but pray about everything!
I walked into the exam room and for a split moment, I found myself praying that both babies were there and one hadn't vanished and they were both so very healthy! Once again, isn't life funny. The roller coaster that life has sent me on in the past couple of weeks has been very overwhelming...to say the least!
Just as I had prayed for, they were both very there and very active!
The top one is a little more clearer to see than the bottom one because it is an ultrasound and they are having to use sound waves to go through the baby on top to get a picture of the baby on the bottom. Of course that was good to know!
Amazingly enough, both babies are the EXACT same size! Both 20 mm long. A little shorter than an inch and both of them have the EXACT same heart beat which was 167. I thought that was pretty cool that they were both the exact same in all areas!
On the way home, I felt myself getting more excited! I can do this! My good friend April White posted this on my facebook " The Lord only entrusts special people with twins b/c not eveyone can handle them. Blessings to Twins Moms!!"
I really appreciated her writing this. Made me feel good about God choosing me to be a Twins Mom!
I am a work in progress that's for sure but I have learned to lean on God and give it all to Him! I can NOT do this on my own mentally without Him and I have made that clear to Him!
Later on that night when we got home, we decided it was time to tell Savannah! Boy, was that a trip! See...for a while, she has been praying for a baby sister and here within the past couple of weeks, she started praying that God would send her twins. That really shocked me the first time she prayed for twins because I had no idea she even knew what a twin was. She said she saw a family on tv that had twins and she thought that was soooo cool!
Right after the doctor's appt, I stopped at the Disney Store and got her a new swim suit from her "babies". I walked in (Jeremy is filming the whole thing) and I said, "Savannah, we have to tell you something. God has answered your prayers ( I emphasized this because I wanted Him to have all the glory that she prayed for something and He answered her prayers) and there are two babies in my belly!" I then proceeded to show her the sonogram. Then I pulled the Disney bag out and I said that the babies wanted to give you a present because they are so excited to meet you one day! She could NOT believe it!
After that, I was so pumped up by her enthusiasm that I decided to post the news on facebook in hopes of more of this awesome encouragement! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that people get 10 times more excited about twins than they do one baby! 704 likes and 104 comments later, I officially was excited that there were two babies in my belly!
I know one day, when I lay my eyes on the 3rd and 4th most precious babies I have ever seen in my whole life, I am going to look back on the first trimester of my pregnancy and kick myself for how I acted. I do know that each and every trial I go through in this lifetime, when I am on the other side of the trial, I look back and I am thankful that God helped me through it because, in turn, it always brings me closer to Him! Isn't that what life is all about?
The Joyce Meyers Ministry has been a huge help for me over the past couple of months...
We cannot always control all our circumstances, but we can control ourselves with God's help.
Turn your situation over to God because He can do more in a moment than you can do in a lifetime.
God will help you no matter how many times you’ve fallen into the ditch—you just need to ask Him to.
Don’t let fear keep you from moving forward into God’s good plan for your life.
Once again, I am a complete work in progress and I am learning more and more everyday to turn my fears over to Him! Prayers throughout the rest of the pregnancy would be greatly appreciated!!!
